its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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