glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
