i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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