I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
