I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
