I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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