Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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