I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
