someone get that fucking seahorse.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
