I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
two words: eviction party
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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