I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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