didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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