oh fat girl friday strikes again...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we should paint friendship bongs
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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