I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You took a bar mat shot.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
