i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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