dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
