So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
