If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
