I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
