apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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