Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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