i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
