i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
