No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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