1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
