i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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