6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
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its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
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I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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