I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
