I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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