i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
