i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
