I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
