hotel room ftw
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
