You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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