Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
