Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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