Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
