If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my being single is dangerous.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
