physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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