I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
