Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I want a musical about memes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
