Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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