It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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