I hate all girls vehemently.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
