I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have aggressive nipples.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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