I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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