I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
