Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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