He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
