CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
