Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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