So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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