So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
