is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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