Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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