It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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