I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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