I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
