I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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