Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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