He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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