This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
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He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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