I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
