wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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