Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
