I faked an abortion last night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
