Define "chronic" masturbator.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
