I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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