I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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