My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
