i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
