All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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