Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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